Letting Go
by hawaiihawk
Summary: Gokudera is driven to do something desperate. implied 8059 Rated T for Gokudera's swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Gokudera stared out at the night sky. A cool breeze blew through him, his silver locks blowing away from his face, his dark colored jacket flowing behind him. He closed his eyes, images of times past flooding his thoughts. All the memories from this place, all the safe and silly memories of when they were just kids, when this all began. He opened his eyes again, a tiny smile on his lips. He could hear nothing except some cars in the distance, a soft rumble that seemed soothing to him at the moment. He glanced down, it wasn't that far of a drop, was it? Would he suffer or would it all end quickly? He hoped for the latter, although he knew better. Life had always made him suffer but it didn't matter anymore.

Distracted by his own thoughts, deep in his own mind, Gokudera did not hear the rooftop door swing open, the sound of heavy footsteps running, running quickly toward him from behind, a familiar voice yelling out his name over and over again.

"Hayato!! Hayato, Stop!!!"

One step away, one step away and he can be finally be calm. No time to be a coward, he thought lifting his right foot over the edge. His eyes closed as he took that final step off the edge of the roof. It's funny, his heart wasn't racing at all as he waited for that familiar darkness to finally take him away for good this time.

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Gokudera's eyes flew open as he felt something jerk his arm upward and almost out of it's socket. He was looking down at the ground that was still quite a ways away. _What the fuck?! How could he have screwed this up as well?! _He turned his head to look upward, feeling the hand that gripped his forearm tightly.

"Hayato, grab my arm!"

His green eyes blinked up to meet frantic brown ones. _Why now? Why are you here now?! _His voice screamed inside his head, tears welling and flowing without hesitation from his eyes as he stared in disbelief at his would-be hero. For a moment his hand reached up to him, fingers touching the sleeve of his jacket, grasping and then releasing. He let his hand fall limply, shaking his head up at his savior who gasped loudly.

"Hold on to me!"

Those words sounded so desperate, Gokudera thought, so desperate from someone who tried to do this very thing, from this very same roof years before. He gasped himself as his body suddenly lurched downward, the weight of his body causing his friend to slide down the rooftop himself struggling to keep them both up with one arm, the other braced on the concrete above to stop them both from going over in a losing battle. _No! This isn't what I wanted! _

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Gokudera looked straight ahead, his body swinging slowly from left to right, his arm aching from the strain of all his body weight on just that one shoulder. _How did he know I was here? _He shook his head in disbelief at his bad luck. He looked back up, having made up his mind, no turning back now.

"Takeshi…

let me go."

There was no fight left in his voice, he sounded calmer than he ever had in the past. No more fighting, no more arguing, just a simple request really. He smiled, just a small smile, at how nice that name sounded right now, actually saying it to the person he'd always wanted to call it out to.

"Let me go."

He blinked as he felt wetness fall from above to his right cheek, tears that weren't his own, those big brown eyes staring at him in disbelief. _Don't cry for me, you idiot! You'll finally be rid of me! Let go, you bastard! _He tried to wiggle his arm free as much as he could move it, free from that iron grip that just would not let go but only gripped tighter. Another slip in their struggle, and Takeshi's body was already half way over the roof. Gokudera could hear voices and cries from below them now, feminine voices mostly he thought and could only assume who they belonged to, but his eyes stayed fixed on his stubborn friend above.

"I'm not letting you go!"

Gokudera was surprised to see fury in those usually tranquil eyes and he was pulling at him with even more strength than before. He actually felt his body moving slowly back up as the idiot was making progress. He saw Takeshi's eyes distracted momentarily to someone below.

"Tsuna, help me!"

_No! Not the Tenth! He's not supposed to be here either! Fuck! _Gokudera already knew what was coming so he wasn't surprised when he felt hands on his waist suddenly, lifting him up and Takeshi along with him, back to the safety of the rooftop. His feet set down lightly on the concrete, the Tenth still in dying will mode. Gokudera shook his arm free from Takeshi as he lay there, slowly rolling over and sitting up. He seemed out of breath and his right arm hung limply down just as Gokudera's left arm did, both having been pulled out of their sockets.

The rooftop door flung open, various other friends running out, all dressed up for the occasion, to fuss over the three of them. Gokudera avoided his boss' worried eyes and worst yet, those other brown eyes that were glaring at him fiercely from across the rooftop now. He turned his head completely away as the stupid woman ran past him to embrace Takeshi and wipe the sweat from his face with the sleeve of her dress. _Just a few more steps to the doorway, I can't watch this anymore._

Gokudera stopped as a soft hand was placed on his shoulder, his boss' hand, his Juudaime, who despite all of his efforts he always seemed to let down, or so he thought.

"We need to get you to a hospital."

"I'm fine, Juudaime."

"No, you're not."

His boss looked at him pitifully before touching his left arm that hung slack against his side and it was only then did he feel the actual pain of his injury. How curious, he thought, that he hadn't even noticed until now. He smiled a little and nodded to his boss. There was no way he'd be left alone now to finish himself off after what just happened so he headed back down the stairs with his boss at his side, once again defeated.

Somewhere behind them, Takeshi was being helped down the stairs as well, but Gokudera never looked back. He waited at his boss' side as the car was brought to them, sitting quietly on the leather seat looking out the window on the short drive to the hospital. He knew his boss wanted to ask him why, why would he do such a thing? But he didn't and Gokudera was grateful for the time being. _How can this possibly get any worse?! _He sighed deeply, sinking lower into the seat and closing his eyes. He'd just have to think of another way.

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	2. Chapter 2

Notes:

Ah, love hurts sometimes, hmm? xD

Sorry this took me awhile to finish, it's always so hard to find a stopping point and still this came out longer than intended. *sigh* Oh well. :P

Hopefully, the continuity is okay with the first chapter and they're not too much ooc. D:

One more chapter to go, I think.

Reviews?

Disclaimer: I don't own KHR or it's characters. :P

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It had been three weeks since the "incident" as it became referred to around the mansion and people were still giving Gokudera looks, whispering behind his back, spreading rumors about his mental state. He sighed loudly, closing his eyes and shaking his head as he headed down the long hallway back to his office. No one of lesser rank would ever question him about it, no not ever, not unless they were prepared to face the Storm's wrath. _It's none of their fucking business anyway._

"Um, Sir? Juudaime is looking for you."

A lowly assistant came running down the hall, approaching Gokudera at a safe distance. His temperament was legendary and she was grateful to see him nod in response, taking her leave immediately. Gokudera stuffed both hands in his front jacket pockets, turning down the next hallway on his way to the Tenth's office. He knocked softly and waited a few seconds before opening the large wooden door.

"Ah, Gokudera-kun! Come inside, I have something I need you to take care of."

"Of course, Juudaime. Anything."

Gokudera sat in the chair opposite the large ornate desk of his boss. Papers and files of various sorts were piled along the desk's length. His boss looked overwhelmed as usual as he dug through for a particular file, handing it across to his Storm Guardian and friend. He smiled warmly, always something Gokudera welcomed, as he reached over grabbing the file, promptly going through it. _Assassination mission, hmm? Doesn't look too complicated. _He blinked up at his boss and nodded, closing up the file.

"I'll take care of it right away."

"Uh, no, Gokudera-kun. Actually, I'm sending Yamamoto. I want you to explain it to him thoroughly so he understands. I don't think he reads all of it when he goes on his missions."

The Tenth shook his head, trying to smile as he saw his Guardian's expression droop. He knew the two hadn't spoken in three weeks, well even before that, he knew why too. _Thank you, hyper intuition! _Admittedly, Tsuna had been taken by complete surprise, shock really, when Yamamoto had announced his sudden engagement to a child friend, Michiko-chan, just two months before. He could understand Gokudera's feeling of rejection, really he could, the two of them had been flirting since they met, but still he hated that his two best friends weren't speaking to each other. It was like a black rain-filled storm cloud hanging over the whole family and he wished it gone_. Surely he'll see through this flimsy request but I have to do something, anything!_

"O-Of c-course, Juudaime. Right away."

The Storm barely got the words out through gritted teeth and a forced smile. He stood up, letting out a small barely audible sigh as he turned to walk out the door. He really did not want to do this, his pace slowing down as he made his way to Yamamoto's quarters until his feet finally stopped at the door. He barely heard the secretary speaking from her desk off to his left. _Crap, just get this over with. _His face scrunched into a tight frown as he grabbed the door handle and let himself in without announcement. He walked straight toward the desk and dropped the file, flipping it open without hesitation.

"G-Gokudera!"

"Shut-up and listen. Juudaime wants you to take care of this."

He rattled on about all the details of the mission, flipping pages, pointing at pictures and maps, his eyes never leaving the papers to drift up to those big brown ones that he could feel were looking at him. _He better be listening! I'm not fucking repeating myself! _He shut the folder closed as he concluded his little speech, ready to turn and leave just as abruptly as he had entered. The less time spent in Yamamoto's company the better, he thought. His body jolted back as he felt a firm hand on his wrist.

"Wait! Don't go yet."

"What the hell?! Let go of me asshole!"

Yamamoto only frowned, now moving around his desk, his grip on Gokudera's wrist tightening as he refused the demand. He faced him now, thinking of where to start, there were so many things to say. _Why would you try and hurt yourself for me? _He wouldn't dare ask that question, not wanting to humiliate Gokudera more than he already had, besides he already knew the answer. It was all his fault.

"Please let me explain."

"Explain?! Now, you want to explain?! It's been two fucking months! Let…go…of.. ME!!"

The Storm struggled to free his wrist, his anger about to boil over inside of him as he made no progress. Two months of frustration, heartache and pain caused by this idiot and now he's pretending to care. Gokudera snapped. His right hand clenching into a tight fist, white knuckles coming across his body met with the Rain's jaw sending them both to the ground as the grip on his wrist remained. He had drawn blood on those perfect lips, but he was too blinded by anger to even notice, already pulling back his arm to deliver another blow. Two more punches landed on their mark before Yamamoto let go of his wrist, putting his arms over his face in defense. Another hit to his jaw and he retaliated with his own fist, knocking the Storm back and away. Gokudera touched his cheek briefly, his tongue tasting his own blood and he got to his feet. Yamamoto followed, both men staring at each other in complete silence. Neither of them drawing a weapon, neither igniting any elemental flames. Their bodies would serve them best in this battle. A minute's pause and the silence was broken.

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The secretary jumped as she heard a loud thump coming from inside the office doors. Another loud thump and she was off her chair, cautiously walking toward the doors in an attempt to peek inside. She let out a loud scream and jumped back as something seemed to collide with the door, splintering it, scaring her to death. She was already running down the hallway, looking for help, running towards the Boss' office.

"Juudaime!!"

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Tsuna came running into the office, first seeing the splintered door. He had to use his body to force it open, Yamamoto's secretary and his own staying huddled together at a safe distance. He gasped as he looked into the office, almost every piece of furniture was broke, bent or splintered and there were his two most trusted Guardians literally at each other's throats on the floor.

"Gokudera-kun! Yamamoto! What the hell are you two doing?!"

The shrill cry of their Boss' voice grabbed their attention as they both stopped to turn their heads, still griping each other's tattered shirts. They were both bloodied and bruised, breathing hard from the fight. Gokudera's eyes met his Boss' frantic ones and then looked around the office. They really had trashed the place. He let go of Yamamoto first with a slight shove, bowing his head in repentance to their Boss as he sat on the floor, exhausted.

"Sorry Juudaime…"

"Sorry, Tsuna…"

Yamamoto looked down at the floor, and with a promise to clean everything up and pay for the damages, Tsuna seemed somewhat satisfied. The young Boss sighed, shaking his head as he left them to take care of it. Yamamoto turned his body so he and Gokudera rested back to back. The silver-haired bomber didn't protest but leaned back himself as they both tried to catch their breaths, all their anger, confusion and frustration having been spent for the time being. He stretched his now aching hands out, sure that he'd broken a bone or two, his jaw ached, his whole body ached but he didn't think Yamamoto faired any better as he could see him doing the same things in his peripheral vision.

"You really are so stupid."

Gokudera leaned his head back, making soft contact with the back of Yamamoto's. Somewhere between the punches, Yamamoto had managed to explain himself, his reasons for hurting the most important person in his life.

"Marrying that girl for such a reason. Tch…"

"It's what my Father wanted."

Yamamoto's voice was soft and solemn, he sounded defeated and completely miserable. He brought one knee up and rested his right forearm against it, sighing. His father always talked about his hopes that his son would have a nice family of his own someday, that he'd have someone to pass on the Shigure Souen style. Takeshi figured he'd eventually tell his Dad about his feelings for Gokudera but he kept putting it off, waiting for the right moment, too scared to admit them, until it was too late. Now his Father was gone, and out of guilt he was still trying to be the obedient son.

Gokudera leaned up from Yamamoto's back and with a loud groan got up to one knee, bracing himself with one hand on the ground. Another groan and he got up to his feet, stretching out now aching muscles. His feet crunched over broken glass as he searched for his jacket, finding it underneath an overturned chair. He pulled it out, shaking it off and decided it was better left off for now as he shakily walked to the doorway.

"Your Father wanted you to be happy, idiot."

Gokudera rested one hand on the door frame, more to keep himself from falling down as he spoke. He turned back once, the fierceness now gone from his eyes. He felt bad for him, he really did. He knew how hard it had been for Yamamoto when his Dad died. He was the one who held him and comforted him that night not her! _Don't do this to me, I'm begging you! Don't choose her over me! _Of course, those words never formed on his lips, his stubborn pride would not allow it. He turned his head quickly before doing anything as shameful as crying and went through the broken doorway.

One cell phone call and his subordinates were already on their way to clean up his mess.

Yamamoto stayed sitting on the floor, only able to watch as Gokudera left. His secretary was gasping as she finally came in, taking in all the destruction. He couldn't help but laugh a little at her reaction. She came over to help him up, fussing about to put ice on his face, grumbling about his tattered clothes and broken desk. He just shook his head and let her fuss, sitting quietly as the Storm's men showed up to start the cleanup. He certainly had a lot to think about.


	3. Chapter 3

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**Another week had gone by, the bruises on both their faces were fading now to a dull blue. They attended meetings, they tended to their crews but both of their minds were elsewhere and everyone knew it. The Family's dynamic was just not the same, even Hibari who never bothered with such things found the time to notice. His **_**kind**_** offer to bite them both back into normalcy was quickly denied by the Tenth Vongola Boss, there just had to be another way but ultimately all anyone could do was wait and watch.**

"**Here's the documents you requested, Juudaime."**

"**Oh, thank you, Gokudera-kun. Um, could you sit down for a minute please?"**

"**Of course, Juudaime."**

**He sat opposite his boss, resting his hands on his lap. **_**Maybe this would be a good time to ask the Boss to send me to Europe. **_**It was the only way that he could think of to escape the awkward daily routine around the Vongola mansion but hadn't officially asked. Now seemed like the perfect time.**

"**Gokudera-kun, I'm worried about the way things are right now in the house, between you and Yamamoto. Now I understa-…"**

"**Juudaime. Would you approve of me going to Italy for awhile?"**

**He never intended to cut his boss off in mid-sentence but he just didn't want to hear it anymore. He rested his right hand on the desk as he leaned in, asking his question. His eyes were pleading with his boss' and with such a face, how could Tsuna refuse. Maybe some distance would serve the situation well, his gut was telling him and after a brief moment, he nodded.**

**Gokudera was pleasantly surprised and even managed a small smile before looking down in a sort of relief. He stood up from the desk and looked up at his boss.**

"**Thank you, Juudaime. I entrust your safety to the others and if you need me, I'll be back in a flash."**

**He had surely matured over the years, having grown trust enough in the other guardians to protect the Vongola Boss in his absence. He'd make sure his remaining subordinates reported to him daily about things in the mansion anyway, just in case. As he left Tsuna's office, his body felt more relaxed and he wasted no time making arrangements to leave that night. Flanked by some of his most trusted men, he got in the car and left without a word for the airport, back to that place he once called home.**

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**Gokudera looked out the window of his room. He'd had another long day. Ever since he'd gotten to Italy over a month ago, he'd had nothing but long days, he made sure of that. Pushing himself to the point of exhaustion was all he could do to keep his mind busy and away from that damn Rain Guardian and his impending wedding. And here it was, that fateful day had come. Back in Japan, he suspected that plans were being attended to, flowers delivered, food prepared, people dressed up in their best outfits showing up bearing gifts, all the usual fanfare that came with a wedding ceremony. Of course he wouldn't be there, wouldn't stand by that idiot's side and consent. He just couldn't, not even if the Tenth had asked him to which he thankfully did not.**

**He sighed loudly, peeling off his dark jacket and tossing it towards a chair, not really noticing if it hit it's mark or not. He walked to the small bar cart in his room and poured himself a drink, the ice cubes clinking in the glass as he dropped each one in. He took a big sip of the amber liquid, closing his eyes as he felt it warm his throat down to his stomach. Another sigh and he was unlatching the door out to the balcony, a soft breeze hitting his face, blowing his silver locks back. He stepped out, looking towards the slowly darkening sky. **_**Italy sure is beautiful this time of year. **_**He took another sip of his drink and held the small glass tumbler up to his eye line, watching the melting ice cubes swirl around. His mind was numb, if only he could speed up time and have this day be over with already. **

**He leaned his arms on the balcony's concrete railing, looking over to the lawn and sidewalk below. One more sip of his drink and he let the glass slide slowly from his grasp, falling in what seemed like slow motion to the ground below, and with a small crash, the glass shattered sending the amber liquid all over the sidewalk. **

"………"

"**You shouldn't waste good Scotch like that, you know."**

**Gokudera's whole body froze, his eyes widening as much as they could. That voice, why was he hearing that voice behind him? He wasn't drunk yet, he hadn't heard anyone come into his room, then again he hadn't turned on the lights to find this person had already been there, waiting for him. Slowly, his other hand came to rest on the railing as the other did, his back straightening up to a standing position but he didn't turn around. He could hear soft foots steps coming closer to him and then a hand was sliding just inside his left one on the railing, a silver ring with the symbol of Rain shining up at him. A warm body pressed against his back, as the taller man's cheek leaned softly into the left side of Gokudera's head.**

"**Aren't you going to turn around, Hayato?"**

**Warm breath grazed his earlobe as those words were spoken and he closed his eyes, unable to stop the tears that flowed from them and down his cheeks. He bit his quivering bottom lip, as the tears kept coming, unable to stop them even if he tried. He just couldn't believe it. He was letting this idiot go, being forced to, or so he thought and here he was, right here and now. The hand that rested on the balcony railing came up and over to cup his right cheek, it's thumb brushing some of the tears away and he couldn't help but lean into it's warmth. His body was being turned for him at his waist and his head automatically went down. Two warm hands now cupped his face, tilting it upward until even warmer lips pressed firmly against his own in a passionate kiss. Gokudera's hand's clutched at the back of Yamamoto's jacket, leaning into him, never wanting to even think of letting go ever again. As their lips parted slowly for a much needed breath, he could finally look up into those brown eyes that seemed to smile for him and he had to smile back.**

"**What the hell are you doing here?"**

"**Ha-ha, being happy."**

"**Idiot."**

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**Note: Sorry it took so long for the last chapter. I wasn't exactly sure how to end this but I made myself tear up. ;-; I'm just too sensitive. XD Hope you enjoyed! And now to do another something funny for my favorite pair! **

**Hopefully, they are not too ooc. D: **

**Reviews? **


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